Take Me With You
The Reasons I Cling
As I round the corner to the kitchen his little body crashes forcefully into my left leg causing me to lose balance for a moment. I steady myself and trudge forward pretending not to notice the thirty pound weight now clinging to my calf. He giggles, squeezes tighter, and giggles again. I make my way around the island and half way to the fridge before he erupts in a full blown cackle. I glance down, “Oh my goodness, I was wondering why my leg felt so heavy!” I shuffle around the kitchen a bit longer dramatically dragging my leg. The charade of human ankle weight continues for a few minutes before I break the news that I have a lot to get done so I would be needing my leg back. He refuses my invitation to part ways and carries on giggling “Take me with you, Mommy! I will do your chores with you. I don’t want to let go!” I look down at him; his sandy blonde hair still fresh out of bed and sprawling in several directions. His little limbs are skinny yet muscular; he is clinging with every bit of his strength. I notice this only because his favorite dinosaur undies are the singular clothing items he sports. His dark lashes surround deep blue eyes, they glisten and glimmer with love and admiration. “He is precious”, I think to myself. A beautiful mess of neediness. Seemingly unaware of his inability to care for himself without my help yet completely uninterested in allowing me to move forward without him. He needs me, yes. But that’s not why he clings. He clings because he wants to be with me. “Take me with you, mommy”.
He is me.
I picture myself hurling my body toward the ankle of my Heavenly Father. Clinging gleefully. He pretends not to notice but adds a little drama to each drag of the foot. Eventually He looks down and sees me; but my mess is not just adorable bed head and colorful dino undies. No, my mess is far more ferrel. My mess is deep. It’s words spoken out of anger, comments hurled like daggers, lies spewed, gossip, malice, pride. Oh, the pride. Its friends hurt, people belittled, children discouraged. It’s the times I’ve worshipped at the alter of fear or selfishness. It’s the times I’ve spat in the face of the very Father to whom my hands currently cling. It’s the hatred, the envy, the jealousy, the lust. My mess is an absolute abomination and embarrassment. It’s years of painful and sinful wrestling. This mess feels unforgivable. Yet, He looks down and all I can detect is endearment in His expression.
He is not even slightly perturbed by my appearance. He looks at my hair and notices the color and misplaced strands. He looks at my figure and notices its strength and meekness alike. He notices my eyes, how they glisten and glare at him longingly and lovingly. “She’s so precious”, He thinks.
Do I fully and continually understand my utter dependence on Him? Probably not. Do I always realize the sheer magnitude of my mess and the immense weight I’m forcing Him to carry around? Definitely not. Then why do I cling? If not out of recognition of my inadequacy and need, then what for? What would perpetuate such an act? What would cause me to wrap myself fully around Him and plead for His presence? That gaze. His stare that peers deep into my soul and thinks “She’s precious.”
I cling because I am so deeply in love with the way He loves me. I cling because I don’t want to spend a single minute separated from that feeling of being known, being seen, being cherished. I cling because I love Him. I love Him because He first loved me.
“Take me with You”, I beg. Don’t leave me behind. I want to go every place You go and watch Your every move. Carry my weight and create joy within me. Draw out my laughter and show me I’m not a burden to You. Look at me, see me, look past my mess and notice me. Let me gaze at you while You gaze at me. I want to see Your love. Feel Your love. Know Your love. It’s my favorite thing about You. It’s the very reason I cling. Take me with You, I beg.
My awareness of my need for You could falter. My consciousness of my faults could affect my confidence to throw myself at your feet. At times, if I’m only aware of my faults and your perfection, I may cower in the corner. The sheer thought of the chasm between who I am and who You are would potentially send me running with my tail tucked. Your righteousness is astounding, Your power is commanding, Your glory is awe inspiring, but yet, none of them close the gap. There is but one thing that closes that monumental gap. But one thing that walks between the pieces drawing them nearer to each other. But one thing that builds a bridge plank by plank until the place where I stand and the place where You dwell are no longer separated. There is but one thing that sheds the weight of my shame and allows me to dare to step toward such a marvelous God. Love.
The Love that gazes at my mess and can’t help but smile at me. The Love that enraptures my heart and melts me into a puddle of humility. The Love that sees me and says “She’s precious”. Many things are worthy of praise, but that Love, that’s why I cling. I do not cling because I need you, though I do. I do not cling because I am weak, though I am. I do not cling because I’m told to, though I will be. I cling, ultimately, because of the way You love me. Your unconditional love draws me in and keeps me close.
Thank you for loving me. Thank you for gazing at me with deep love. Thank you for seeing me as precious. And thank you that I never have to clean myself up to cling to your ankle. “Take me with You! I don’t want to ever let go!”
“We love because he first loved us.”
1 John 4:19 ESV
“Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us. By this we know that we abide in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit. And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God. So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him.”
1 John 4:7-16 ESV
“But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.”
Ephesians 2:4-9 ESV
“remember that you were at that time separated from Christ, alienated from the commonwealth of Israel and strangers to the covenants of promise, having no hope and without God in the world. But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ. For he himself is our peace, who has made us both one and has broken down in his flesh the dividing wall of hostility by abolishing the law of commandments expressed in ordinances, that he might create in himself one new man in place of the two, so making peace, and might reconcile us both to God in one body through the cross, thereby killing the hostility.”
Ephesians 2:12-16 ESV
“Then turning toward the woman he said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I entered your house; you gave me no water for my feet, but she has wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You gave me no kiss, but from the time I came in she has not ceased to kiss my feet. You did not anoint my head with oil, but she has anointed my feet with ointment. Therefore I tell you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven—for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little, loves little.” And he said to her, “Your sins are forgiven.””
Luke 7:44-48 ESV